Regarding the issue of gun violence and sensible gun control legislation: An Official notice from Your Friend David and The Crimson Lifeline

Official Notice from The Crimson Lifeline

Regarding the issue of gun violence and sensible gun control legislation:

 

I have been trying to stay out of politics as my page and my blog is for everyone. It will remain for everyone, but I cannot continue to watch innocent life be so violently taken. I cannot stand and see a shooting every day and not say words about how I feel.

 

How do I feel? I am pissed off! I am hot mad and I can’t stay quiet any longer so if you are offended and will not listen to this, I will not apologize, my blog, and my page is not for you.

I stand firm in support of the Second Amendment but I believe that the original intent is being absconded by special interest and by the NRA.

The Crimson Lifeline is officially and with all of my voice, fervently supporting the right of these young adults, men and women of all ages and races, of all religions and all makes and models, to resist the NRA and to march for their right to be safe. We all have a voice and I will be using mine now!

I have seen too many souls be taken by gun violence. I have watched terror reign and flourish under poor legislation and inaction. How many more souls must we watch die? How many times can we say “They are in our prayers” but never act. This is the end. No more silence. No more fear.

I fight stigma every day, but my voice now fights back against the representatives that have sat on their hands and pandered to the NRA for far too long.

Students who have chosen to take a stand and walk out have the absolute right to their First Amendment right to peaceably protest and walk out of their schools. They are marching as I type this in numbers in the millions. They are registering to vote, and they are taking a stand.

The Crimson Lifeline will not be on the wrong side of history. I and my page will now stand for the right of children to be safe in their schools. I and my page will stand for the right of innocent Americans to be safe at their churches and places of entertainment. Terror will never make my voice silent and my page will never let the horror to stop the belief.

Sensible gun control is not a suggestion, it is a DEMAND.

Contact your local representatives and senators. Contact them and remind them that we are voters, and proud Americans who are taking a stand. Demand the return of all funds that the NRA has funneled into their coffers for elections. Demand legislation, true and effective legislation that preserves the sovereign right of the people to LIFE LIBERTY and THE PERSUIT OF HAPPINESS.

We demand that the right to be safe and protected be honored and lifted up.

You can text 50409 with the word “NRA” to find out who your representatives and your senators are, and how much the NRA has donated in support or in opposition to their campaigns. Once you know who they are then call their offices. Then hit them up on Facebook directly. Facebook has added a feature to add to your post the option to contact them and to allow your followers to contact them. Tweet them at their accounts that you will be voting and they need to DO SOMETHING.

Words mean little. Actions speak louder. DEMAND ACTION.

This is The Crimson Lifeline’s stance on this issue. Those who take issue with it may leave. I understand. I will not miss you. You will be on the wrong side of history and we will never again allow this to happen.

I support the MARCH FOR OUR LIVES and I hope you will register and vote your conscience.

I will be.

With love, honor, respect, and dignity for all Americans,

WE STAND WITH EMMA. WE STAND WITH PARKWAY. WE STAND AGAINST THE NRA. WE STAND FOR PEACE. WE WILL NOT BE SILENT. WE WILL ACT AND WE WILL BE HEARD!

WE THE PEOPLE OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA DEMAND CHANGE!

Your Friend David

I am HIV EQUAL – Your Friend David

We all have a status. In this binary screwed up world we have been told that we are gay or straight, republican or democrat, dirty or clean, positive or negative. It’s the way the world seems to want to keep our voices in check.

You won’t fit in if you aren’t one or the other. You will never be clean if you’re dirty. If you are positive for HIV you can’t be clean. It’s disgusting.
Shortly after my diagnoses of HIV I felt that stigma in spades. I lost friends, and family. My whole life revolved around the notion I was less now. I’d never have a loving relationship again, not with anyone who wasn’t as dirty as I am.

I bought into it too. I let my friends go; I let my family say their ugly statements. I fully believed I was never going to be anything but a diseased outcast. That is what the world told me. That is what I believed.

I woke up one morning in a panic attack. I was gasping for air, and for sanity. I felt all alone and negative about everyone and everything until I had the epiphany. I was not HIV positive, I was just positive. I am a positive force in this world. I will not let HIV define me; I will define it to me. I took control.
From there I spread the news. Do not fear a positive life, even though they will tell you their uneducated truth. It’s not your truth, you know better.

I became an activist and advocate because of this.

I just gave a presentation on what it means to have an undetectable viral load and how that is empowering and freeing. You cannot transmit the virus if you are in good care, and your viral load is undetectable. U=U became my mantra. And it has served me well.

But I want more. I want to be the man I was. How can I learn to live in a different way, and then I ran across this message online. It was the very thing I wanted to know and hear. We all have a status. We are HIV equal.

What is HIV Equal and what does it mean?
“HIV Equal is an international multimedia campaign that aims to end HIV stigma and promote HIV testing by creating a social art movement that changes the way people think about HIV and which reopens the national dialogue about HIV.” (http://www.hivequal.org/campaign)

I saw these folks taking back their life all that HIV took. They are saying to HIV “You don’t get to define me anymore.” We are no less important and loved than anyone else. I can love, and be loved. I can live and have a full life. I can finally let go of the fear.
We are all HIV Equal. Equal in our love, our pain, and our lives.
“HIV Equal” is really an art campaign that aims to change the way we discuss the issues related to HIV. New science and better medicines make PLWHIV no different from a person with diabetes, or high blood pressure. We can stay in treatment, and take care of our bodies, and be just like anyone else. No one has to even know what your status is. Your status is EQUAL.
I am no less than you. In your pain, I see my own. In your love, I see my love. In your equality, I see equality for myself. I am a lot of things, but I am not binary. I don’t even know if I am truly even gay if you really need to know. I am human, and I deserve respect just as you do.

So today choose to be a force to end the stigma and lets all change the dialogue.

We are the Undetectable Generation, and we are HIV Equal.

Check out http://www.hivequal.org/ and add your pics. We are more than HIV!

Your Friend David
And I am HIV EQUAL!

 

So high he forgot his coffee…

I get up naturally at about 430am every morning. It’s something I’ve done for ages since my stint in the military. I try to use the quiet time to meditate, blog, and to prepave my day. It’s helpful for me.

But this morning was a little different. As you have heard I live between two active addicts. I have to count my medications twice daily to make sure that I’m not enabling them just by having my medications in the house. I hide them in places, never in the same place twice.

This morning the boy is awake. I call him a boy because he’s never really acted like a man. He is so flipping lit on whatever he is on that I’m sure that he’s on his way to a really bad case of withdrawal once the drugs wear off.

In the meantime, he is attempting to do laundry. My mother’s clothing was still in the dryer, she had a long week so she is sleeping in. He almost went back to deliver them to her. Well, I think I just saved his life because if you wake that beast, she will rip your throat out. And I would let her.

I know it’s hard to quit, but he’s not even trying. I am daily scrutinized for my legal medications, that I take as prescribed, but this foolishness is tolerated for some ungodly reason. It’s a real bummer to have to deal with my own recovery and watch another say he’s in treatment, all the while abusing it.

I have been off my drug of choice for decades now. I fully feel recovered; I don’t need that kind of life. Some people just don’t know how to cope without hiding in a drug induced stupor.

He left the meal my mother cooked for him in the microwave again. Undoubtedly, he forgot that he heated it up so it went into the trash. He was working on the back door and got about half way through; I doubt it will be done today. He made himself a coffee in the Keurig but has now forgotten it’s there. I’m taking bets on how long it takes him to remember he did that.

I really have a hard time living here because I am the black sheep. I am the problem somehow.
Well fuck that.
I am not actively high, and if I need help I know where my local NA is and who my sponsor is. I’ll get help. He goes to a suboxone clinic and he abuses that too. I don’t see how that kind of treatment helps. Substitution therapy is bull.

The way out is to admit you have a problem that you have no control over. You cannot manage your life and you need help, not from man, but from your higher power. Man will fail you, God never fails. I know this, and I live by it. One day at a time.

So now the house is waking up and I am about to hide because I want nothing to do with the outcome of this. I have warned my grandfather gently that there is a big problem, but he won’t do anything to help at all. I’ll get blamed, or it will be me that is the problem if I say anything more. So I am here saying it to you.

I don’t know how much more I can take of this nonsense. It’s been an hour since he made that cup of coffee, and it’s still sitting there. I believe it won’t be drunk at all. I put a full hundred on it. I’ll be rich by noon.

Get help, find a local NA/AA meeting, see a qualified psychologist and just take the first step. It’s the hardest step but you can do it. I did. You will feel pain, but that is what being human means. If you don’t feel pain you’re not really alive. Teach your brain to find ways to get that happy chemical going without your substance. It takes time and hard work but you can do it.

If you are in danger, and you need help I am always here. Search me out, I’ll talk you through it. We can go together into recovery, and you will be whole again soon. But it takes that first step. One baby step.

In continual recovery and unconditional love,
Your Friend David

Morning Musings – Fret not, all is well.

As most of you guys know, I was considered disabled. I won my case a few years back and the check and Medicare were a godsend. I used all of the resources that were offered to me to recover.

I battled my immune system, my body always in pain. I battled my mind, always in the worst places, believing I was worthless. I battled my vision loss and how that made me feel so trapped in a world inside my own head. I dealt with the stigma and the shame.

When the government said they were reviewing my disability I freaked out. If my benefits stopped how was I to pay my bills, or see doctors I needed? Would I end up on the street, homeless again? How would I keep my standard of living that I fought so hard for.

It wasn’t easy to get disability. Many find it impossible, but I had a lot of help. I called a great lawyer and I have a decent case manager who assisted me in compiling the information they needed. I gave up on being able, and I succumbed to the fact I would never be the same again.

HIV, blindness, and bipolar took so much from me. I lost friends, my freedom, my independence. All these damn disorders owe me a debt that almost cant be repaid.

And then on my birthday, I get this big envelope with 15 pages of questions reviewing my disability. I saw my doctors, as I was recommended. They all said “don’t worry, you’ll stay disabled. You will never be better.”

In January, I received the last letter I would receive from Social Security. It said after review, my condition had improved and I was now not disabled. I had three more months of benefits and then no more. I was, to say it bluntly, blown out of my soul.

I have since had to move into a place I am not taken seriously. I live with people who are so much worse off than I am that I have to hide in my dark places so that I don’t feel their misery.

Never ending applications for employment then ensued. I count as of this post over 20 different places I have applied to, and I have had only one response. That is good. I only need one fish to feed me. I don’t eat that much.

Of all places it is McDonalds that seems to be taking me seriously. I have an interview on Monday and I hope that they will see I am totally able now to do anything they need. Hell, I’ll take a cut in the base pay and clean their toilets with a toothbrush if it means a steady paycheck. I am ex-military so I can do anything.

So I put on my smile, that great big beautiful smile, and I press my trousers crisp. I want to look like the sharpest man on the planet. I need this job. I need it to feel worthy, and to feel like I am a productive member of society again.

I do some volunteer work, and I am constantly on here helping people so I always have something joyful to do, but that don’t pay the bills. Money pays the bills, and I need to make some.

I aspire to be recertified as a CNA, and I am working on specializing as much as I can to care for the newly diagnosed HIV patients. I have been there, and I know it takes a lot to stay in care, and to recover. The protocols for success are rigid, but totally worth it.

My viral load has been undetectable for years now, and so I know that I am in no danger of transmitting this virus to anyone else. But to get there took time and patience. It took hard work and love. To be able to type this to you took years of doing things that my doctors laughed at me for.

For instance, video games helped me to strengthen my good eye. Walking up dangerous highways and taking the bus everywhere challenged my fear of the world. I got into some good mental health treatment so my bipolar is managed. My doctor says I am a miracle. I say I am a trooper and a man of steel. I can do anything I put my heart into.

So this morning’s message is, don’t give up. When they say you can’t, and you know you can, then do it. When you feel lonely, there are thousands of lonely people out there, so find one. When you are in need, there are even more then you, who need. Give to them.

Let life pass through the molecular machine that God made you. If you don’t believe in a God, that’s good because nothing I just said above is religious or spiritual. It is the law of life and of living. It’s the sacred law of attraction. Give to the world what you want in return. Prove me wrong!

“Fret not, for it only causes harm.” Put your trust in your higher power and let the work begin. It’s up to you to make your life, so make it joyful. I promise you will reap great rewards.

And in the meantime, I am your friend. I will be here through the ups and the downs. I know you are a beautiful creative force. I’ll believe in you when you can’t believe in yourself.

That’s my job.
Unconditionally loving you,
Your Friend David

Joy Thief – A message from Your Friend David

Hello my lovelies,

Tonight I am not blogging about HIV or dementia. I want to talk about your personal mental health.

I have been around some of the most miserable people. I am kind of worried that I might not find paying work, but I have filled my days with things to do that will improve my chances of landing a great job.

I have appointments and obligations that have been agreed to for months now, and I have the added appointments to see all of my doctors before my insurance runs out and I get switched back to ADAP. I literally have only hours to sleep before I have to get my day started and moving.

And I like it that way. I love filling my world with exciting new adventures, whether I get paid or not. So when I agreed to lighten my mother’s load at work and help her client I jumped at it. It shows I have the ability to be a CNA and could give me a good reference.

But I work for my mother. Never make business deals with family. They always think that you will give them special treatment, or some cut rate discount. We all have to make money, and we all have to keep our promises. I promised to care for her client, she agreed to a payment structure.

Not only does she not keep track of when I am working, but once she paid me it wasn’t what we agreed on. I just let it go, but deep inside I know what my next move is.

I can’t work for any boss who cares so little about their employees as to not keep track of their hours so that they are paid at the rate that was agreed upon. I have never asked anyone to do something for me and agree on a payment plan that I won’t follow through with.

Misery loves company, and I wont be a friend to it. I meditate daily to keep my mind sharp and to clear the frustration of having to watch this. I will be fine. The idea was that all this was temporary anyway.

I want all of you to self care as much as possible. Maybe you are stuck around a negative person and that is now infecting your mood. Meditate and center your being. Take care of your mental health because you are no good to anyone else if you aren’t good to yourself.

Sorry to vent but this is a big blow to me to not be a home health aide right now. I will, if there is some emergency, be more that eager to help, but that will now be between the clients family and me. My mother is using me, but I won’t be used for much longer.

So it’s off to a burger joint, or a greasy spoon to make a little cash on the side to stay comfortable while I wait for the application for CNA testing to run its course. Everybody is hiring in places like McDonalds, and restaurants. It’s coming on spring break too so a lot of places will need temporary help. I am able, and I have the drive.

Never let a miserable soul steal your joy. Instead understand that while you over flow, the thirsty will be jealous. They want what you have. They can’t take it from you so stop giving it away.

 

With Unconditional Joy,

Your Friend David

National Women and Girls HIV Awareness Day – Your Friend David

National Women and Girls HIV/AIDS Awareness Day is a nationwide event to promote HIV awareness, prevention, testing, and treatment to lessen the burden of HIV in women and girls.

 

HIV owes a huge debt to us. Especially women who live with HIV.

 

Your sexuality has been hijacked. You already are limited access to birth control, and to legal abortion. You have been used as a sexual being, but never allowed to choose it for yourself. Men of power in the entire world are being ousted as predators, and rapists. We see it everywhere, but HIV was the most insidious.

HIV didn’t steal anything that wasn’t already stolen. It stole your ability to feel. Every single time you felt something from a person, all of a sudden the fear that you could somehow put them in danger, or you could be in danger yourself crept in. It kept you from loving. It kept you from feeling.

On National Women’s and Girls HIV Awareness Day, I call you to take your sexuality back. It is now time to understand that if you take control you can be a force for change. You can prevent HIV.

Get tested, and know your status. This is key. Once you know you can get into care, and once you are in care and it is effective you are at no risk of transmission. You can prevent the spread just by knowing your status.

Stay in care. By following your doctor’s orders and maintaining an undetectable viral load, you are preventing the spread of HIV and protecting your loved one. Staying in care ensures you have the right to a full sexual life, and you are in control.

Spread the word. Take your sisters to get tested. Help them to stay in care. Be there for their ups and their downs. HIV is still a scary thing, so getting involved in support groups, or online groups will help you to connect to others. You are not alone, and you are your sister’s keeper.

We are the Undetectable Generation! We will defeat HIV, one sister at a time.
To all my Ladies! Take back your Sex. Take back your Love.

 
With Unconditional Love,
Your Friend David

U=U My story about HIV treatment

I was diagnosed HIV positive in 2012, well after the scare of HIV being a life sentence. I acquired it from a partner that I trusted and loved. I have a few lifelong issues that put me at a higher risk of being infected. I believe I had HIV from 2004 onward. I was completely sick, all over my body and scared for my future.

I walked back into my apartment, after the long trip out of town to get the test, terrified of the future. I had a new life partner at that time, one who I infected because I did not know my status. I felt like I put a gun to his head and pulled the trigger. I was a criminal in my own mind and I felt that cold hand of death on my shoulder. I knew I was going to die, I just knew it. And I knew he would too.

So, we soon got into treatment and soon we recovered. We learned about “viral loads” and “CD4 counts”. We were educated that if the medicine were to work, that the virus could be killed from our systems and our immune systems would begin to recover. We were never told exactly what that meant, other than the medicine was working.

Years went by, I recovered well, and so did he. We became undetectable in about 6 months. It was a miracle to me, I survived! That cold dark death was off my soul. I could try to be normal as I could.

I was told all my life that once you were HIV positive you would never have the same kind of sex life, you could never be a healthcare worker; you were never going to be truly well again.

It’s like being told all your life that bunny rabbits were evil, and would kill you on sight. That they were the worst things on the planet and you should never be in contact with them. You could die, and your family could die. When that is what you hear all the time, you begin to believe it. No one said otherwise and so I completely believed the stigma.
So we tracked our progress, and celebrated the success, but I never felt like I could be with him again. I could reinfect him. I could cause a super infection and just the thought of human contact became a trigger for panic attacks and depression.

I am an internet savvy guy. I researched how to help the ARV I was taking work better. I learned about diet and exercise, I learned about meditation and behavior modification. I assisted in my recovery in every way. It paid off, I’m healthy now, but somehow I was still scared. My lover became distressed and the relationship fell apart. I couldn’t even hold him anymore. I was truly terrified.

So when one day I begin to hear on the interwebs that being undetectable was not just the goal of treatment. Undetectable could mean that I might not pass it on to another person ever again. As long as my treatment was successful, I was now safe. I didn’t believe it.

Rabbits are the enemy and they will kill you, but they are cute and they may not all be evil. Some may even be friendly and might just love you back…. Blew my mind.

The noise became a cacophony of science. Countries started to disseminate information that I thought was quackery. Could I be safe now that I was undetectable? Was it time that I embraced this notion and move on? Was this the good news I needed my friends and my family to know, that they were never in any danger, and now even less danger?

Effective ARV treatment means bringing down the viral load in your system. This I knew and trusted. More and more countries were adopting this Undetectable = Untransmittable message. But the US had not just yet got there. I chose to believe in the science from my own country, a world power, the forefront of medicine.

And then one day, years later in 2017 I was scrolling through my Facebook groups and blogging and researching and I saw the most amazing thing.

The CDC posted new information. They now knew the Undetectable meant I could not transmit this virus anymore. As long as I kept up the protocols, I would never have to deal with that fear again. I printed the information and took it to my doctor. I needed him to tell me this was true.

He initially didn’t. Initially he was a skeptical as I was. Now he treats all STI infection so he will always say that I need to use protection, but he continued to worry about confection and risk.

I kept researching and I kept seeing more and more countries accepting the new facts. Those damn rabbits were being elusive and maybe they might not be as dangerous as we all thought.

This brings me closer to now. Just about 6 months ago I walked into my doctor’s office, and sitting there pinned to the scale to measure my weight was a sign.
U=U was all it said, but it said more to me than anyone knew.

The discussion changed. The exciting news was overwhelming. I fell into tears. I could love again! I could have a happy and meaningful sexual relationship with a partner and I could lose the fear that my allergy to latex and my choice of enjoying sex without a condom only meant that I could catch something else, or pass something else on. NOT HIV!

I needed to tell the world! I started to tell my HIV community, where I was met with their fear. They were more than skeptical of this info even though the source was sound. They refused to believe the medical staff, and the many advocates that brought all the info they could read to educate themselves.

I believed now. The rabbits are harmless, it was all a lie, and I bought it. You bought it. We all bought it. And well it was totally and completely wrong.

When you are told that something will kill you all your life, you will learn to believe it and it will take much time to change that opinion. This post will not be enough to change some of your minds and I know this, but I am a rabbit, and I am cute, cuddly and an herbivore. I don’t want to kill you and I never did.

Being undetectable means you can never pass the virus to another partner no matter how you choose to love.

This is my story. This is my new life given back to me. It’s your story tooNever choose fear over science. Never give up on the facts for the stigma. Bust the stigma and spread the word! We are FREE!

So, today I need you to convince your friends that those vicious rabbits are not what we were told. We need to focus on testing and treatment, not continued fear and stigma. It’s a win! And we need to celebrate it!

I encourage you, if you are in the Central Brevard area to come to the Central Brevard Sharing center. Twice a month they offer confidential testing to anyone who walks in. Once you are tested and you know your status you can begin treatment, and once you begin treatment you are on your way to freedom. You will soon be undetectable, and then you will be untransmittable.

Science not Stigma, Facts not Fear! We are the Undetectable generation. We are stronger than HIV.

If you need more information or you want to talk about this please comment and share this post.

You can find me on Twitter @CrimsonAdvocate, or on Instagram @CrimsonAdvocate. Check out my Facebook page @CrimsonAdvocate. Shoot me a message and I will help you to understand.

With unconditional love, and no fear in my heart!
Your Friend David