I come from a long line of addicts. Those addicted to alcohol, drugs, food… I have seen every vice turn people into disrespectful fools. I know this isn’t the accepted response to a “disease” but hear me out. I know what I’m talking about.
I received a letter of Accomplishment from the US Navy for my work with service members who had substance abuse issues. Generally once they were in my care, they were either waiting for a Court Martial, or so ordered to submit to treatment. This was a direct order, and I had the full power of a full bird Navy Captain as my direct supervisor. If you didn’t submit, you were committed.
I have heard every excuse. From the age of about 3, I have heard it. I have had to resuscitate my mother more than once for an overdose. My brother continually steals and pawns everything he can get his hands on. My father, who is addressing his issues, has always been a drinker, a functional addict.
However functional you think you are, you are still not respecting anyone and anything you have around you, including yourself. Why should I have any empathy or sympathy, if you won’t respect the doctors, your family, and yourself? It’s beyond me why an addict wants to drag people into their problem.
Is it just plain misery? I know that misery loves company, and in my particular case, I’ve been drug into this problem. I am not going to stand here next to miserable for long; I have far too much to do.
About a year ago, she was arrested for DUI. She fell at home and took herself to the hospital. She called me, messed up and insisting she was ok to drive. I begged her to stay home and I would be there in the morning. Talking sense to an insane person is a waste of time. On an opiate, she tried to drive, and bumped another driver.
The police were called, and she was arrested. The courts took a long time to resolve this. Many continuances and many meetings with lawyers, and she pled No Contest. She pled that way because she knew, and her lawyer knew she was guilty, but a no contest plea is not a guilty plea. She threw herself at the tender mercies of the courts.
They sentenced her to a year of probation, drug tests, and a litany of other obligations. She showed up to all her probation meetings, never failed a test. I thought maybe she had learned her lesson. Not so. Now she is awaiting a court date because she did not complete her court assigned probation terms.
Mind you, this all happened in 2014, and today she is still not clear. She avoids talking about her case, but she requires me to attend to her every need. She is still using, and there is nothing I can do to stop her. That is a personal decision.
Addiction, while dangerous to the addict, is more threatening to a bystander. I was here to give her some respite from her home health care she is attending to. I enjoyed taking care of her little lady, but just giving her that much time was putting her over the edge. Idle hands are the devils workshop. She needs wall to wall responsibility. She works for her 6 days a week, and then when she is off, she cleans the house, all the while bitching and complaining.
I have only one thing to say to an addict of this caliber…
I have no respect for you, as you won’t even respect yourself. You are a monster and you need help. I am not your son today. I will put your ass in jail so fast you won’t have time to blink. I have had just about enough of your bullshit and as I am an adult and you are too…. Get off the cross honey, we need the wood. Until she actively seeks help for her problems, I am not her son. I am sad, but also I know this is the only way to rock bottom.
Rock bottom is the only place an addict can be that will cause them to begin to choose better life choices. You can either choose to change, or die alone. That is that. Once an addict hits rock bottom, they immediately begin to thrash about, looking for someone to care. NO ONE CARES NOW. YOU ARE ON YOUR OWN.
I really just want to go to the court next week and testify that she still has a problem and she did not complete her probation, which means she deserves jail. Thirty days would hopefully be a wakeup call. Then again, it’s been 35 years of this, so I’m sure it will never change.
This is addiction, it is not a disease, and it is a weakness. A weakness of resolve. Shut the hell up, and do something about your problem. If you are actively seeking help through a rehab program that includes therapy to assist in behavior modification, I might have a little more empathy. Not just substitution therapies like Suboxone or Methadone only. That is just a legal way to get high.
If it is unsafe for you to quit your addiction because of withdrawals, you need inpatient treatment. I regularly admitted hundreds of Marines into the hospital for weeks on end so be sure that they were safe. I don’t know if that is her issue, but the active part of the rehab process is just not happening.
So in closing I say this, and I only will say it one more time. I will not put up with an addict stealing any more of my happiness, or my love. Yes, this is my mother we are talking about, but I don’t remember a time when she wasn’t a raging pill addict. I hope they put her in the jail to prove to her this is not sustainable. The first step in the 12 steps it takes to break an addiction is to recognize that your life has become unmanageable and the you have no control.
Been waiting all my life. I won’t wait another second.
LINKS TO HELP AND CARE:
Please seek help by finding your local NA/AA groups, going to regular therapy, and if you are unsafe and you know you won’t make it, admit yourself into the hospital. But DON’T DRAG ME THROUGH IT. A lack of moral fortitude on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.
Get to know and respect your sponsor. They have a real understanding of the perils of addiction. They are the most qualified to assist your efforts. Sponsors are available for every craving. All you need to do is go to the meetings, meet other recovering addicts, and make friends.
The friends you make could mean the difference. I know because I have been there too.
Please seek help:
NA National search and information: https://na.org/
AA National search and information: http://www.aa.org/
With all the love and respect in the universe,
“Your Friend David.”